Just months after I finally gave in and reconciled with my father, today was our first day out after sooo long. I was actually looking forward to our bonding time since I've forgiven him and he's being so supportive of me now. But I surprised myself that the old me who had a short fuse when it comes to him, came back as if from muscle memory. Sarcasm and eye-rolling all over the place. It was my front back then, my idea of self-preservation. Today it was like deja vu. Even though I know in my heart that I've forgiven him, that I'm trying to make things better by moving forward.
I'm not proud of the version of me that was with him and my sister today.
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